STATEMENT FROM DR. FAUCI,
WORLD’S FOREMOST EXPERT
My name is Doctor Anthony Fauci.
Look into my eyes!
I am not creepy.
I am not a liar.
I do not have an agenda.
You can believe me!
I am the foremost expert in the world.
People like me!
But, as a resolution for this New Year, I’d like to make some confessions. You see, being the foremost expert in the world, who people like, it’s hard to tell the truth. I know so much more than you do, I’m afraid you won’t understand the big picture, and it’s important you don’t question my authority.
I do make some stuff up sometimes. That’s not the point. The most important thing is that people believe me. Some people aren’t smart enough to think for themselves. I have to get through to them, and they can be stubborn!
The truth is, people these days are afraid. You have to work with that. They don’t know what’s good for them; hell, they don’t even know what sex they are! How can I execute foremost expert activities, expecting them to understand? These people have to be swooned with hope. Assurance they’re being protected by foremost experts, like me.
We have virus experts like Bill and Melinda Gates, working on herd management software that will help. We have the support of Mark Zuckerberg. I mean, c’mon man! He’s friggin’ smart.
It’s difficult to get incredibly stupid individuals to be tested for a virus, when they have no symptoms. It’s even harder to get medical professionals to ignore facts and properly swoon.
Then there’s ladies like this, who claim to have studied at a university.
She gets to go on Twitter, spouting nonsense that directly contradicts me, the foremost expert! This unfair attack on my agenda hasn’t been properly debunked and booted from the view of the public, and many of the dumber users on Twitter revealed their ignorance, claiming “I love her,” and “She nailed it!”
She goes way too far! Can you imagine; COVID is over? It doesn’t exist?
Social media is out of hand! People have posted unfair video showing real things that really happened …
But I didn’t want everyone to see the nurse passing out, or hear about allergic reactions, Bell’s Palsy, Kawasaki disease, aborted human fetal tissue, people dying during testing or conspiracy theories like “the vaccine is the virus.” It’s an impossible environment! Even the New York Times can’t be trusted anymore!
And all the fallout is from supposed smart people, truth seekers and patriots. They should be muted!
My friends who like and believe me, I’ve worked with facts to make them easier to understand, but the public insists on eating the forbidden fruit, using facts unfairly as weapons, and disrespecting the narrative. It’s okay, folks, I’m still here, and we have the greatest mass extinction program ever created in the history of the world.
Did I say that out loud?
Can someone fix that before we publish?
Thanks. It’s great to be surrounded by a staff I can trust.
It’s going to be a dim future, folks, dark, dingy, boring and hellish. I’ll be in Cancun. For follow up or additional questions, please contact my assistant, Whoopie.